Blood and Jam
by i-am-GAME-Girl
Summary: this is a story about Backup having the girl of his dreams fall from the sky, literally she came in a sack out the 3rd floor window and he happened to be sat in the right place at the right time. but who is this girl really?
1. Chapter 1

I just sat against a wall reading and watching the world go by when suddenly.

*Dumpf*

A sack that was quite light had fallen on me from the third floor so it still hurt from that height and crushed me. All I can think is Ouch...

"Ouch..."

"Yeah to right" did the sack just talk.

"A-a little help"? The sack asked so I pulled out my Swiss army knife and ripped it open to reveal a girl. "Thanks".

"Is climbing in a sack and jumping out a third floor window what you usually do for fun"?

"Oh no, it was Linda and her gang they al-" she froze and went bright red when she realised she had one foot either side of my head against the wall and she was sat on my stomach so her miniskirt was flipped back so I can see her panties. "AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" she moved her feet from the wall to my face that flew back into the wall as she held her skirt down to where it should be.

"Igh ghna clsh mm eez zoo plz mnph yogh feesh" I wheezed out but what I tried to say was 'I'm gonna close my eyes so please move your feet'.

"HEY EVERYONE LOOK AT THE LOVE BIRDS. A BLACKBIRD AND A RAVEN SITTING IN A TREE" Linda shouted from the third floor window that made everyone point and stare.

"What...oh yeah" she removed her feet from my face then put them on the floor. Now she's just straddling me, nothing weird, so now we just sit in silence. After a little while I picked her up off my lap and stood, she was still very light. Wearing no shoes, a red miniskirt, blue shirt and had hair like L but tamer and somehow darker that matched her black irises, she's cute like a puppy but with the physique of a toddler so not hot. I stood her down but her hand was caught in my long hair.

"I'll sort it out".

"Thanks" her voice was small like her. I pulled out my knife again and chopped off a bit of my hair so she can struggle with it.

"Thanks for catching me even though I just kinda fell on you so actually thanks for letting me crush you".

"Anytime" I really don't care just go away.

"Could I get you a drink from the cafeteria"? She's probably trying to draw me out into the open so they can mock me for falling for her being cute.

"Sure" I put a hand full of loose change in her hand "Hot chocolate, lots of sugar. I'll wait here I sat on a nearby bench.

"Oh, okay" she scampered off and just as I was about to begin reading again.

"Hello nice moves" A jumped up from behind me.

"What do you mean"?

"I mean you and Blackbird getting it on in the bushes".

"We weren't getting it on she fell out a window".

"Well nice moves".

"What moves"?

"Your flirti- oh crap here she comes" he jumped back down behind the bench.

"Here you go, and here is your change" she handed me hot chocolate with so much sugar it was more like a paste.

"Thanks, wait this is the same amount of money as I gave you" I flicked through my spare change.

"Yeah I know" she replied while sitting next to me.

"Well here I don't like owing people" I gave her the money for my lumpy paste.

"Oh, okay" my god this paste is delicious, so much better than usual. "So what's your real fake name? I know people call you Raven".

"It's Back up. You"?

"I'm Obsidian Blackbird McKnight but just pick part of it".

"Like Boosh Obsidian Blackbird McKnight or are you just crazy and it's a big coincidence"?

"No it's Mighty Boosh incorporated, and you like the Boosh"?

"Of course, it's amazing I have all the live shows and series along with the 'mighty book of Boosh' but as it says in the beginning of the 'mighty book of Boosh' it gave me arm strait so my friend gave me the 'pocket book of Boosh', no one can like Boosh more than me" oh no I let my guard down, damn you Boosh. Correction no one can damn the Mighty Boosh it's to awesome.

"That is amazing but there is one fault in that because I like the Mighty Boosh more than anyone".

"Oh really well do you have any DVD's or Book's of the Boosh"?

"Well I have no friends to buy me fancy books but I'll tell you what I do have, I have 'Tiny acts of rebellion' by Bob Fossil".

"No way, I want that book and I feel sorry that you have no DVD's or other books".

"Cool" I'm...I'm having fun with another human being. That's possible? God, I must be ill. "I'm sorry but I think I'm coming down with...with...with something" I got up "It was very nice talking with you I hope it happens again sometime and thanks for the hot chocolate" I set off to the nurses office. When she went away with my blood in one pot and pee in another to test them and see what's wrong with me suddenly.

"Hello Raven my old buddy" a voice came from behind me and made me jump.

"For god's sake stop doing that A".

"I thought you were a Buddhist".

"So"?

"Don't use Christian stuff".

"Fine, for Shakyamuni sake stop doing that".

"That's more like it, anyway how'd it go with lovebird on the bench over there".

"Were you watching when I had my blood taken"?

"Yeah, but what happened with Boosh babe"?

"And what about when I peed in the cup"?

"Did you see me leave? Now tell me what happened".

"I feel violated and hope you rot in hell" I got up and left but A followed me.

"What about your results"?

"I get them delivered to my dorm tomorrow the only reason I waited was because of our absurd conversation".


	2. Chapter 2

"I get them delivered to my dorm tomorrow the only reason I waited was because of our absurd conversation" he walked quickly down the corridor and I just stood there outside the nurse's office when suddenly.

"Hello" came from behind me.

"Hey that's my thing" I replied while turning around to see this fiend. "Oh, hi Blackbird".

"Hiya A. Listen I wondered if I could ask you about Backup because you seem to be his closest thing to a friend"? She's still cute.

"Can I ask you a question first"? she nodded in agreement "When are you going to give up, you've been watching him for ages and the first time you meet him is because of bully's, why do you like him so much"?

"I like him because he is a nice person and I don't watch him he's just nice to look at".

"You have weird taste. What did you wanna ask me"?

"Why doesn't he like people"?

"I don't know he just keeps his distance as much as possible".

"Okay so how did you become friends with him"?

"I don't think he sees me as a friend, people never talk to him so when someone does he gets freaked out and tries to shake them so I just stick around and he occasionally talks to me".

"Thanks talking to you always helps" she started to walk away but then she turned back to me and said "we're friends right"? She looked worried.

Wanted to hug her and say _"Yes we are friends but I want us to be more than just friends"_ then kiss her but instead I said "of course" and walked away.

**Backup POV**

I lay on my bed so I couldn't be fallen on again. All I can think about is Blackbird, she confuses me. _"Knock knock"_ stupid door, I wish it were made of cloth so no one could knock on it but no one could look in either.

"It's open" go away.

"Hi it's me" by me you mean Blackbird, announce yourself properly.

"You are here because"?

"I wanted your opinion on something".

"Why"?

"I got some money earlier from my job but I don't know which CD to buy" she flopped on to my bed next to me so we were top n tail like it was her room. "I've wanted 'Black Parade' for ages but I just saw a cheap copy of 'the boat that rocked sound track' so I don't know which to get, what's your opinion"?

"Why did you come to ask me"?

"I don't know you just seem like you need to listen to music occasionally so helping me equals borrowing it but not helping me does the same anyway, annoying me means I hit you but still aloud to borrow it so really I don't know why" she talks a lot and very fast.

"Why are you so familiar with me even though we don't know each other"?

"Because I asked around and no one knows you so if they try they are all cautious like your gonna kill them if they say anything so I think you must be a horrible person or a misunderstood person so I want to be friends with you and your normal it's not like you would actually kill me. In short I like you so I'm gonna speak my mind around you, please feel free to do the same".

"You talk **very** fast, it's kinda scary. And I think 'the boat that rocked sound track' would be better because I have 'Black parade' so you can borrow it until you have your own".

"Sorry" she giggled cutely "I didn't know I could be scary plus you're twice my size" thank god she slowed down.

"I'm not fat".

"I meant your tall, you're like a twig. A thin creepy twig that can't stay directly upright so you hunch".

"I'm not that tall you're just short".

"I'm a little short and you're a little tall so standing next to each other makes us look more extreme".

*Bing bong*

"Dinner" I declared, not to Obsidian but to my stomach that missed breakfast and is slowly dying.

"Yeah" we both leapt up at the same before darting out the door toward the food hall. We got in there and she had another hot chocolate paste while pulling a really confused face at me eating my jar of jam. "You just eat a jar of jam with nothing else? Your weird" she giggled slightly again.

"Looks who's talking little Miss hot chocolate paste" but it was delicious.

"Oh yeah...did it taste good"?

"..."

"Ha you liked it".

"Indeed I did, would you like to try some jam"?

"..."

"not out of this jar a fresh one".

"Yeah sounds like fun" I handed her a fresh jar out of my blazer pocket and she slowly tried some.

"Like"? Her face went red and she gulped it down in one go.

"GAH, that is disgusting. I will stick to putting on toast".

"If it was that bad why didn't you spit it out"?

"Once something has entered your mouth you should never spit it out" ooh posh lady.

"Let's go" I whispered in her ear.

"Why"? Good she whispered back I hate it when I whisper and they shout.

"People are staring at us" she looked around and nodded her head in agreement then we left. The rest of the night was a blur; we watched 'mighty Boosh' and animai late into the night until we both fell asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

I woke up to find me laying in my bed hugging Obsidian, her laying on my arm returning my embrace with her leg over me and her cute little head nuzzled in my chest.

What the fuck do I do?

Just enjoy it while it lasts, how often do you get to hug cute girls, well how often do yo get to hug anything?

But this feels wrong, like I'm taking advantage of her.

So, it's a sleepy accident. Pretend to be asleep and she won't mind.

No I cant do that

Fine but I don't like you

I shook her to wake her up and she kicked the bed sending herself flying off the bed but still having a tight grip on me so I went to, I ended up on top of her, well over her.

"Okay now I'm definitely awake" she was staring at me with her hair flipped back out of her face.

"You have such pretty eyes" CRAP!

"What"? CRAP! CRAP! CRAP!

"Umm...nothing".

"Did you say I have pretty eyes"? CRAP! CRAP! CRAP!

"No" what the hell am I gonna do.

"Umm..." she slowly moved he head forward and put her hands on my neck.

OH MY GOD AM I ABOUT TO GET KISSED!

Yeah isn't it awesome, first time in your whole life

NOT AWESOME I THINK MY ARMS ARE ABOUT TO GIVE OUT

No then you'll fall on her

I KNOW

Stop firkin shouting 

Sorry

She kissed me, slow and soft. She let go, with her head back on the floor but her hands still on my neck. I looked deep into her eyes that were as dark as the night.

"You've never kissed anyone before have you"?

"...no"

"Me neither" she giggled a little, she does that a lot but it's cute. Everything was great but as always nothing lasts long and this time it was the door.

"Hey I got that book you leant me it wa-" it was A bringing back a book I leant him, he froze in the doorway with the door wide open, he slowly rewound like an old cassette.

"Crap" we both said in unison. I got up and gave her a hand.

"I gotta go find him, he looked worried" she grabbed her old brown boots and head for the door, I followed but barefoot.

**Obsidian Blackbird McKnight POV **

I chased A for quite a while but he got tired eventually and I caught up with him.

"God your fast" he is.

"..."

"What's wrong"?

"What's wrong? He was on top of you"!

"So why do you care"?

"Because I love you" he blurted it out and I don't know.

"..."

"How do you feel about me"?

"..."

"SAY SOMETHING"!

"I...I...you know I like Backup and you supported me and...everything, why didn't you say something".

"I never thought you would get through to him and I never thought anything would happen between you two".

"But..."

"Who do you prefer"?


End file.
